I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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