Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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