i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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