And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
