shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
wow bdsm is so cute
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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