what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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