Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
