...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
