I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
