Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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