Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
