Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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