Only a mothe r could love this liver
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
