So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
