i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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