Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
