i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
