dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
