A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
