it was like eating out sand paper
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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