you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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