I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
