It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
