i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
