low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
