Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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