i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
