do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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