Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
