Where did you get a picture of my penis
I smell stomach acid.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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