break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
