You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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