yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
