Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
