I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
