Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
