Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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