ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
