Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
