My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
