I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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