My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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