....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
a search helicopter?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
