Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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