am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
