What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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