we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
