I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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