We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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