Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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