I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
